The Orchestra

Think of God as a conductor, and all his people as the orchestra. All the instruments are needed for the music to sound right. So whether it's an intricate saxophone solo, or somebody dinging a cowbell in the back, if they're both orchestrated by God, then both are equally important to His music. And who are we to question our Conductor? It may be hard for the cowbell player to look at the saxophone soloist and think "we are equally important," but if that's what the Conductor needs, then that's all that matters.

I guess I am having a little identity crisis these days. I've written before about how I identified myself as a good student/hard worker for 20 years, and now I'm not only thrown into life without school, but also a life using very little of what I learned in school. It makes me go "what am I doing, again?" on the daily. Obviously I'm learning to be a mother and a homemaker, but my brain keeps going "maybe I'm supposed to do this...or that...or that...etc." I need to learn to sit back and trust that I will be led. God always shows up, and He's always guided me well. So in this time of "who am I/what am I doing, again?" I need to sit back and stop trying to guess what God wants me to do next and just listen.

It's like I'm the cowbell dinger in the orchestra, and I keep trying to have a cowbell solo, and God is all "whoa there Kath, I do NOT need more cowbell right now." I need to get out of my own way, and trust. Maybe there will come a day when our Conductor points to me, smiles, and says "I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!" But until then, I need to relax and just focus on what God is asking me to do and not evaluate it based on what He's asking everyone else to do.

One of my all-time faves...

There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it. In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by "rests," and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives; and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the "rest"? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.

Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the "rests." They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves, "there is no music in a 'rest,'" let us not forget "there is the making of music in it."

-Ruskin

Tips for Dealing with New Parents

As a new parent, I have realized many things about parenthood that I didn't really know before (obviously...duh). There are things that well-intentioned people do that may (or may not) wear on the new parents' nerves. Here's an honest list that may help you approach new parents in a less nerve-wearing manner. And hey, this may be true for experienced parents, too, but I wouldn't know yet. Just my perspective...

1. Always ask if you can hold the baby - never steal. As a new parent, I went through/am going through feeling out this idea that my baby is in fact my baby. She's my responsibility, and to a certain point, I make decisions for her. And by "I" I mean Adam too. And God. But, you get the picture. It never feels good for someone to take what's yours.

2. Assume the parent has everything under control. They might not, but that's okay. It's mainly people from advanced generations that do this, but some younger people do it too. I know all are well intentioned. "Oh, I hope you have a hat for her!" "Do you think you should change her diaper?" "Are you watching that mole?" And heaven forbid she's crying - "You know, I think she's tired." "Oh dear, she must have gas. She probably needs to burp." "Isn't it past her bedtime?" If we want to put a hat on her, we will. We are well aware of when to change a diaper. Remember how we are the ones to take care of her every day? Usually without input and suggestions from the peanut gallery. If new parents have questions, they'll ask or learn in their own way and in their own time. Respect the parents' way of doing things even if you would do it differently. God has trusted His child to these parents, and you should too. It feels good to navigate through parenthood without a bunch of backseat drivers.

3. If the baby is crying, let the parent deal with it. Especially if you're a stranger. It's hard for your heart not to go out to the crying baby, or the flustered parent, but just let them deal. The best way to help is to give a kind, understanding smile, pick-up something for the parent if it's been dropped and hands are full, and go along your merry way.

4. Don't talk to the baby as a back-handed way of giving parenting advice. "Ohhh, you would love it if you Daddy got you out of that car-seat, wouldn't yoooou?" "I hope your Mommy's got a blanket for you!" In no way is this helpful.

5. If you're already a parent, it's hard not to share advice or experiences with new parents, but just be careful with how you do this. It can feel super judgy sometimes. "Are you breastfeeding?" "You're not c0-sleeping, are you?" "We cloth diaper because there are toxins in disposables." "I babywear because it's so much better for the child than a bulky travel-system." "Are you going to make your own baby food?" I know most parents who have these conversations just like bouncing ideas off of one another, but just be careful with your words. It feels like the questioner is sizing up your parenting against their parenting. And of course most parents are doing what they think is best for their child. We're just all different! And in my experience, it's hard to be 100% confident in your choices the first time around. It's easy enough to feel inadequate as a new parent when you're not being questioned.

sidenote*: I love talking to other Moms. "Is this normal?" "Did Sally ever ____?" There's a difference between a friendly, supportive conversation and interrogation. Interrogation feels judgy. Just ask how things are going and assume the parents are doing their best. If they want to talk about specifics or ask questions, they will.

6. If you want to give advice, wait for the parent to ask for it. I have valued very little advice that I haven't asked for. And I may be stubborn, but if I need help or advice, I most certainly ask - especially when it's about my kid. It starts when we're pregnant, and doesn't seem to stop there. I'll never forget one instance: I was getting my teeth cleaned when I was pregnant. I lay in the dentist chair, open-mouthed and helpless as the dental hygienist told me - in detail - how to breastfeed. That's just not fair.

That's all for now :) Hope that didn't sound too negative. Just trying to give an honest perspective of a new parent. As I said, most people are very well intentioned with this stuff, they just might be misinformed about what's actually helpful.

Better Together

When people are around parents with a baby, they often want to take the baby off the parents' hands. "Oh let me help you out and give you a break." But most of the time, I don't want a break. Maybe when we have 2 or 3 kids; I'll probably LOVE the help then. But if I'm sitting there with my baby in the same room, and I'm not cooking or going to the bathroom or something, I'm gonna want her. I think it's just in a Momma's bones - especially a first time Momma. I don't care what else is going on, or how interesting it may be. If I'm with my baby, it just feels right with her in my arms. It's comfortable. It's bliss. I know I have to share her and let her spend time with family and friends when we're all hanging out together, but there's always this unease, this feeling of nakedness when I see her with someone else (other than her Dad). I just know that these first 5 months have flown by, and I guess I want to soak up all the holding, cuddling, and snuggling I can while she's still in baby-town. Don't get me wrong, it makes me happy to see her bring joy to other people and see her learn to interact with other people - she loves it and it warms my heart. But what can I say? It's always better when we're together :)

bliss.