1. Always ask if you can hold the baby - never steal. As a new parent, I went through/am going through feeling out this idea that my baby is in fact my baby. She's my responsibility, and to a certain point, I make decisions for her. And by "I" I mean Adam too. And God. But, you get the picture. It never feels good for someone to take what's yours.
2. Assume the parent has everything under control. They might not, but that's okay. It's mainly people from advanced generations that do this, but some younger people do it too. I know all are well intentioned. "Oh, I hope you have a hat for her!" "Do you think you should change her diaper?" "Are you watching that mole?" And heaven forbid she's crying - "You know, I think she's tired." "Oh dear, she must have gas. She probably needs to burp." "Isn't it past her bedtime?" If we want to put a hat on her, we will. We are well aware of when to change a diaper. Remember how we are the ones to take care of her every day? Usually without input and suggestions from the peanut gallery. If new parents have questions, they'll ask or learn in their own way and in their own time. Respect the parents' way of doing things even if you would do it differently. God has trusted His child to these parents, and you should too. It feels good to navigate through parenthood without a bunch of backseat drivers.
3. If the baby is crying, let the parent deal with it. Especially if you're a stranger. It's hard for your heart not to go out to the crying baby, or the flustered parent, but just let them deal. The best way to help is to give a kind, understanding smile, pick-up something for the parent if it's been dropped and hands are full, and go along your merry way.
4. Don't talk to the baby as a back-handed way of giving parenting advice. "Ohhh, you would love it if you Daddy got you out of that car-seat, wouldn't yoooou?" "I hope your Mommy's got a blanket for you!" In no way is this helpful.
5. If you're already a parent, it's hard not to share advice or experiences with new parents, but just be careful with how you do this. It can feel super judgy sometimes. "Are you breastfeeding?" "You're not c0-sleeping, are you?" "We cloth diaper because there are toxins in disposables." "I babywear because it's so much better for the child than a bulky travel-system." "Are you going to make your own baby food?" I know most parents who have these conversations just like bouncing ideas off of one another, but just be careful with your words. It feels like the questioner is sizing up your parenting against their parenting. And of course most parents are doing what they think is best for their child. We're just all different! And in my experience, it's hard to be 100% confident in your choices the first time around. It's easy enough to feel inadequate as a new parent when you're not being questioned.
sidenote*: I love talking to other Moms. "Is this normal?" "Did Sally ever ____?" There's a difference between a friendly, supportive conversation and interrogation. Interrogation feels judgy. Just ask how things are going and assume the parents are doing their best. If they want to talk about specifics or ask questions, they will.
6. If you want to give advice, wait for the parent to ask for it. I have valued very little advice that I haven't asked for. And I may be stubborn, but if I need help or advice, I most certainly ask - especially when it's about my kid. It starts when we're pregnant, and doesn't seem to stop there. I'll never forget one instance: I was getting my teeth cleaned when I was pregnant. I lay in the dentist chair, open-mouthed and helpless as the dental hygienist told me - in detail - how to breastfeed. That's just not fair.
That's all for now :) Hope that didn't sound too negative. Just trying to give an honest perspective of a new parent. As I said, most people are very well intentioned with this stuff, they just might be misinformed about what's actually helpful.
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