Invitation into the Uglies

So it's been just about a month since I've been home full time. I haven't really even noticed that I haven't gone in to work...oops! I already see little improvements in my comfort and confidence at home. Don't get it twisted, there are certainly days where I feel like the house looks like it's half way to Hoarderville, but those days are becoming fewer and farther between (further??...English teachers??), so that's fabulous.

One of the most helpful realizations I've had is the importance of inviting God into all my difficult little moments throughout the day. This is so easy to forget!! It's easy to wake up and say "okay God, I need ya today!", and just as easy to forget that He's there when the phone's ringing, baby's crying, and all you really want to do is nap. It's in those little moments that He wants to help. For some reason, it's also in those little moments that we forget we're not alone.

I know that in my case, aloneness has been a pretty common feeling in this first year+ of motherhood. This is kind of funny because by nature of motherhood, and one of the most challenging parts of adjusting to it is that the time you actually get to spend alone outside of the shower is almost nonexistent. Even though I've had the constant company of the new bundle of love, and the company of my husband when he's not working, I've still often found myself feeling rather alone. Like no one could really understand what I feel like and the transitions I'm going through and the daily challenges I face - even if they try.

Part of this realization I've had is that God is the answer to all those problems. In those lonely moments, I just need to remember He's there. When I feel like no one understands what I'm going through, I need to remember that He does. Those things never change. He's always there, and always knows my heart. My focus for the next little while is going to be remembering God in those tough little moments in hopes that it will become habit. When I look at my messy house and feel disappointed in myself, I'm going to call on God and remember that my messy house doesn't change the Love of the Father. My bad attitude in traffic, my frustration with my poor food choices, or even my crankiness from exhaustion can all be transformed by Grace. All I have to do is invite Him into those moments - even when they're ugly - and be willing to be changed.

On a related note, I've been reading this book, and I'm really enjoying it so far!